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This distinction appears muddled, misunderstood and generalized by a great number of the people that I converse with. First I would like to make a point. Language at it's best shifts from area to area. Within this one continent we have many variations or dialects of usage. This can be seen in terms like sweeper meaning vacuum cleaner etc. So, many words used within a community can mean different things to different people based on the 'age' of the person, their background and the common usage of the area they live in.
The submissive is a volunteer.
The slave is not a volunteer.
This is the core and substantial difference between the two terms. Within the BDSM community this can be interpreted in this way. The submissive individual may be lightly, moderately or heavily submissive. The submissive has a desire to submit to the direction of another person which in this community we call the Dominant or Top. Their submission may be quite limited in range, for example, they may only want and desire to release their submission in a limited fashion, for short amounts of time and within tightly confined arena's. This type of submissive will generally carry a long list of rules, boundaries, limits, requirements etc. which they require the Dominant to agree to prior to engaging their submissive aspect within the relationship. Other submissives will have a more moderate (this is the largest group) approach, a stronger desire to submit for longer periods of time with fewer restrictions, limitations and requirements. A small percentage of submissives will be heavily submissive. They desire and look for a full time partner to live with on a full time basis. Their nature is to seek to express their submission as often as possible with the fewest restrictions upon their chosen Dominant as possible. Generally their list of limitations, rules and requirements may be verbal, short and flexible.
Additionally there is the person that calls themselves submissive who prefers to seek out only casual contacts. This person is willing to submit only so far as to address their personal needs. Their orientation toward 'serving' the other person is almost nonexistent. They will have a list of personal needs and requirements and in large part do not care who fills them. These persons tend to be called the "DO ME" subs. In my opinion they are not submissives at all, not having the basic criteria of a 'desire to serve for the pleasure of another' that is the fundamental trait I identify as submissive and Dominant. For me personally, the 'do me sub' in my eyes is a vanilla person with a kink fetish desire.
There is one other category that needs to be mentioned here. This is the terminology of bottom and masochist. In general terms a bottom is not necessarily submissive but a person who enjoys scening from the bottom position. This bottom may or may not consider themselves to be a submissive, many consider themselves to be neither submissive nor Dominant but more accurately a switch. You will note that I do not consider a bottom to be a 'do me sub', their attitude, orientation and motivation are distinctly different. In my opinion they are usually very open and honest about the submissive aspect and by virtue of that fall into their own category. I have scened with many bottoms and found them to be excellent for demo's, workshops and to help out or assist where multiple persons are useful for the fulfillment of a scene. The masochist also plays in here, a masochist is a person that enjoys pain being inflicted upon them. They do not need to be submissive at all, (similar to a bottom). However, many submissives are strongly masochistic. The masochist also is sometimes called a 'pain slut', they generally are most similar to a bottom in clarifying their distinctions from the label or identification of submissive. This form of honesty is what in my opinion makes both of these choices valid.
The SLAVE ~
The slave is beyond the last level of the submissive. The slave vacates limits. To be a slave is to offer of self fully and without reservation. From my perspective very few individuals fall into this category. Those that do, that I know personally are generally with their Dominant for a very long period of time. Trust has been long ago established, limits and range discovered and a relationship of personal strength has emerged which allows the submissive to transcend to this level. This is a level without safewords, without limits. The slave lives with their Dominant on a full time basis and may or may not have a life external of serving their mate. The slave generally selects a Dominant with parallel limits. By this I mean that the final action of trust is the vacating of set limits. In order to do this the individual must fundamentally know that their partner shares the same 'natural' or 'inviolate' limits as they do. A Dominant has limits just like a submissive. That which falls within their natural range and desire is their arena.
Many people use the term 'slave' interchangeably with submissive. I myself enjoy calling my sub's 'slaves' because it thrills them. However, I know in truth that they are not slaves, they fall within the field of the submissive. A submissive without choice (limit's - safewords) becomes a slave. They have passed that final threshold of personal trust.
One final thing to really confuse things. I have a category which I call the 'Authentic Submissive', I also call these persons 'full out or true Submissives'. This is the submissive who is auto responsive. When in top space they can and may appear to be at any level of the submissive listed above. Upon entering sub-space they lose the ability to do anything but obey. This is an automatic response. They are unable to control the response. It has been my lifelong opinion that these submissives are the 'natural slaves', they have a capacity and range far exceeding the non-auto-responsive submissive. By the way, when I find one of these quite rare authentic submissives, I am instinctively very protective of them. They are the most vulnerable members of this community.
Ok, to address a few more misconceptions. There is sometimes rampant discussion on the who is real question. Any person who states that they are submissive, switch or Dominant should be taken at their word until through action, word or deed they demonstrate otherwise. Respect is not given by virtue of having any aspect but is earned or inspired by consistent action, word or deed. The amount, number, placement, design of brandings, piercings, tattoo's etc. can but do not necessarily identify any individual by virtue of in community status. These ornamentation's are used across the entirety of the community and can be seen upon any individual regardless of Dominant or submissive status.
The easiest way to discover a person's placement within the community, be it through gender, sexual orientation, top, bottom, sideways etc... is to politely ask them. You can simply say, "What way would you prefer to be addressed?" This offers the individual the choice to tell you what they prefer so that you will not appear discourteous. By the way...courtesy is the key. You are not required to respect any unknown person. You are required to use common courtesy. Additionally, there is no right or wrong to being or believing yourself to be anything. It is not better to be one thing or the other and people should not be discriminated against for those choices they make. I offer common respect to all persons until and unless they take an action that I find disrespectful. At that point I generally elect to have no further converse with them.
One final note. There is what is loosely called a 'submissive network'. This network is a system which has existed probably since the origination of the SSC credo (safe, sane and consensual), wherein submissives within a community share information. This becomes important if you are a new person. A Dominant is only as good as the reputation they maintain within their local community. There are persons within this community who use the label Dominant, Top and even Sadist to cover their activities of non-consensual abuse. If you encounter someone who is abusive or breaks the SSC credo. Identify them in their local community. This is in real life. If you are a Dominant and you encounter a submissive who is unbalanced (mentally), by this I mean erratic, violent, abusive...share this information as neutrally as possible with the other Dominant's in your locale who may encounter this submissive. There are some persons who call themselves submissive who will turn after a scene and accuse the Dominant of abuse. Generally they have not dealt with prior, long term or life long experiences with abuse. You are not required to medically diagnose, just be open and honest. Submissives also live by their local reputation. When encountering or beginning a new relationship be honest about any occurrences which may reflect poorly on your reputation. Establishment of trust requires this. A Dominant may be accused of abuse and a submissive accused of being cracked or insane without substantiation. Imput the information and take the time to get to know the individual before making a judgment!
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The difference between subs versus slaves
The difference between a submissive and a slave is not always clear cut and is often the subject of controversy within the lifestyle. In general, a submissive maintains a certain distance from her Master and retains some freedoms and a slave gives her all as well as her freedoms to her Master.
This discussion is about what elements make a submissive or a slave. They may not necessarily agree with what a person calls themselves. Often one finds individuals that call themselves a slave, when a submissive would be a better title and sometimes one sees a person described as a submissive that is more akin to a slave. I am not sure that the term Total Power Exchange (TPE) can be applied to a consensual slave. In normal cases, it seems impossible to have a TPE in a real world non forced slavery relationship and it is unusual in forced slavery cases. TPE seems to involve fantasy more than reality. In a true TPE relationship, it would mean that any order a Dominant could think of would have to be obeyed by the slave without question. For example, A Master could say, "I hate my neighbor, go get a gun and shoot him".
Like it or not in the real world there are restrictions on TPE. Very often the following restrictions, what some would call ethical boundaries, are a reality of a Master/slave relationship and are often documented in the slave contract.
The slave does not have to obey commands that:
a. conflict with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave
b. may cause extreme damage to slave's life, such as losing her job, causing family stress, etc
c. may cause permanent bodily harm to the slave
d. may cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has been raped in the past
In my opinion, these restrictions placed on the authority of a Master do not weaken the Master/slave relationship, but reflect the reality of modern life. This is not a new concept in slave ownership because in the past many societies that endorsed slavery had restrictions on how a slave could be treated by the owner. One can look in the Bible to see examples of these restrictions. In the 1850’s a famous case in Polk County, TN involved the prosecution of a Master that mistreated his slaves. So the concept of TPE is not necessarily realistic in the modern concept of consensual slavery or in forced slavery.
Today, slavery within the lifestyle has NO relationship to the forced slavery of the past. Any slave can, if she chooses, execute her free will and leave the relationship, this is a reality. Yes, the objective is to train the slave to where she emotionally needs her Master and is attached to him and her slavery to a point where leaving her Master is unthinkable, but many Master/slave relationships end. Many end at the slave's request instead of the Master's request. So, any discussion of slave vs. submissive must be within the framework of the above restrictions imposed by modern life.
A submissive obeys and serves by choosing to do so each time and retains her will. A slave initially makes a choice to obey her Master at all times and then submits to the will of her Master at all times.
A submissive accepts submission, while a slave accepts obedience.
In my opinion, a submissive retains freedom of choice and a slave gives her freedom of choice to her Master. A submissive makes a choice to give her submission in a limited fashion, for a defined period of time and under certain conditions. A submissive can have a long-term relationship with a Master, but still retains certain controls. However, many are satisfied with casual role-play without any long-term goals. Training may or may not be involved between a Dominant and a submissive.
A submissive often has a list of conditions, rules, and limits that a Dominant is required to agree to before entering a session or relationship. These conditions, rules and limits usually define time, place and activity. It is not unusual for a submissive to start the relationship with rules and limits and release some or all of them as trust, respect and love for her Master grows. In fact, it’s a good practice when starting any new relationship. One should enter the relationship by giving only the amount of power that she feels safe in giving. The decision to become a slave should be postponed until both the Dominant and submissive know each other and trust each other.
A submissive can and often does role-play during an agreed to period of time with a Master. During this period the Master may have total control, then once the period is over, control returns to the submissive. The Master only borrows control of the submissive and to the extent the submissive wishes and she controls her submission.
One definition of a slave vs. a submissive is based upon the focus of the submissive. If the focus is on self then you are a submissive, if the focus is on your Master, then you are a slave. I am not sure that this is a complete definition for each one, however it is one dividing line between the two.
Being a submissive does not always involve:
1) A long-term commitment
2) Devotion to a Master
3) Obedience
4) Focus on the needs and desires of a Master
Again, there is no need to rush into slavery. One should start out as a submissive and get to know and trust her Master first. slavery is not for all submissives. If a submissive is unable or unwilling to accept slavery, for what ever reason, that is no great crime. Each person has to determine their needs and focus within the lifestyle.
slavery calls for a higher level of commitment and of serving, obeying and pleasing than submission. slavery is the complete commitment of a slave’s body, mind, soul, and spirit. She submits to the will of her Master. His choices become her choices. Obedience is a major focus in her life.
A slave has made a "choice decision." The "choice decision" she makes is to give her choices to her Master. Consent and obedience are always assumed to be part of slavery. Communication, mutual understanding and trust grow to the point to where it is no longer play but part of her life. A slave is owned all the time by her Master regardless of time, place or activity. She is owned by her Master when she is out of his presence. Trust in her Master and surrender to him is the starting point to slavery.
slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is slavery by choice, not forced slavery. She decides to give her freedoms to her Master. She becomes a slave because she needs, desires and wants to serve, obey and please her Master at all times and in all ways, not because she is forced into slavery. Of course, there will be times when a slave will be forced to do some things, but it will not be something that goes against who she is as a person. Master’s often push limits and expand obedience in order to help a slave grow and increase her service to him. slaves become accustom to obedience and find joy and peace in it. A successful Master/slave relationship always involves happiness.
Being a slave means you are willing to be molded to fit her Master’s needs and to serve him. A slave is re-socialized and re-educated by her Master to serve, obey and please him. Her attention is on his happiness.
A Master is responsible for the needs and happiness of a slave. She gives him authority over her needs and happiness. However, a slave is responsible to communicate those needs and feelings. The limits of the Master become the limits of the slave. This does not happen overnight, it is a process of growing into slavery.
A slave does NOT give up thinking and reasoning and become mindless. This is the biggest misconception of slavery. It is a false charge that has been leveled at slaves mostly by cyber-subs and part time players as self-justification for their lack of total commitment. If a cyber-sub can make a slave look mindless then she can justify why she is better than a totally committed slave and supplies a reason why she calls herself a submissive. She reasons that "Naturally a good Master would not want a mindless slave, they surely would want a thinking cyber-sub instead." It’s a late addition to lifestyle thinking and only stated by some submissives. Generally, well informed submissives that feel secure in the lifestyle don’t try to blast slaves. It’s usually "wannabes."
One never hears a knowledgeable Master refer to a slave as mindless, because he knows better. He also knows that she is more straightforward and much more useful than any cyber-sub.
Often a slave is given great responsibilities within the relationship. They are given a general framework of limits and direction and expected to act within them using their own resources and abilities. A slave is often asked to express her thoughts on issues or problems, but realizes that the final decision is always her Master’s. The decision made by her Master becomes absolute for her.
Most slaves use their skills and talents within the Master/slave relationship to advance it and the wellbeing of their lifestyle. Most Master’s encourage this. Often Masters feel more at ease in using a slave to manage a project than they would a submissive. Throughout history slaves have been given responsibilities that require thought, planning and decision making, there is no reason to discontinue this practice in modern times where there is consensual slavery instead of forced slavery. Consensual slavery involves devotion, caring and obedience, why not take advantage of these traits in a slave as well as her knowledge and skills.
As stated above, the word "doormat" is often used by wannabes and cyber-subs to describe slaves. My definition of "doormat" would be that of a person that is used by another person for their own benefit without regard for that persons feelings, growth, or well being. A Master assumes responsibility for his slave’s body and well-being and is always concerned about the development and mental well being of his slave. She is his property and he has no reason to destroy his property. In fact, he has a great interest in her development. Percentage wise, who is more likely to be used as a "doormat", a slave or a submissive that has a casual meeting with a Dominant?
One often hears "A slave has NO voice in the relationship." This is another misconception of slavery. Often, a Master with common sense will seek the opinion of a slave before making a decision in many areas. It’s impossible to find a slave that does not have more knowledge in some areas than does her Master. In areas where she has experience, knowledge and training, it would be foolish for him not to seek her advice before reaching a decision. In addition, it’s often better to bounce your ideas off someone else before reaching a final decision. A good slave will welcome the chance to aid her Master by offering an intelligent opinion. A slave has input into many of the decision making processes that are required in life, but the Master makes the final decision.
slavery is NOT an escape from life. Past, present and future problems don’t magically disappear into the night never to be seen again. For example, past credit card debts don’t disappear, but a Master may plan repayment and place his slave on a budget. slavery is a completion of a slave’s natural feelings and needs, not an escape.
A slave enjoys submission and, over time, that submission becomes deep enough to elicit feelings of being owned or fully controlled by her Master. Not all submissives become slaves, but all slaves are submissive.
slavery always requires a long-term commitment by the slave to her Master and she is owned at all times. slavery always requires obedience. A friend in response to reading a draft of this article stated in an email to me that she didn't know how many people start out as slaves, but in her opinion it is a process of "becoming a slave." One starts as a submissive and over time grows into slavery. I fully agree with this statement.
There appears to be no right or wrong way, one can be a slave or submissive. It depends on the needs and desires of the individuals involved. Some Masters don't want a slave and some don't want a submissive. In addition, depending on the personality of the person, some submissives will never be a slave and some slaves would never be happy as a submissive. It is a choice that one must make in their life.
